We’ve all been there; planning that special moment from start to finish. Brainstorming about color schemes to enhance the vibe, what the invitation should look like, the kinds of food we want to serve, even down to the attire we want to wear. Whether it’s a baby shower, wedding, birthday, or retirement party, one thing we will do is make sure everything is in order. Perfect even. However, none of those things are promised to go as planned, nor are we guaranteed to experience them.

Yet, the one event that is guaranteed in life, very few of us plan for. And that’s death. Perhaps it is the fact that we don’t know how we will die or when death will greet us that stops us from taking the necessary steps to have our affairs in order. Unlike death, when it comes to the birth of new life, most times than not, we know the gender, the name and expected date of arrival. The details give us comfort in forging ahead with creating the perfect celebration of life. We spend money, time and effort ensuring that everything is planned to a tee so that the ones we love and cherish the most can relish in the fruits of our creative and nurturing labor.

But when we die, we don’t have the same consideration or thoughtfulness for our family and friends. Our untimely, unplanned death leaves our loved ones scrambling to do something we all should have done while we were alive; plan our permanent, final farewell. Parents burying children, siblings burying siblings, no matter the dynamic, the living is left to figure out the intimate details of our grand finale, and we didn’t even have the courtesy to help them out. They often don’t know what picture we’d want them to use for the obituary; what attire we’d want to wear for our final viewing, who we’d want to speak during reflections or whether we wanted to be buried or cremated.

You see, preplanning the personal side of goodbye is not about having control; it’s about having compassion. It’s about having care and concern for the impact our passing will have on the people we leave behind. I’ve found that most people think broaching the topic is somehow putting an expedited end date on our life. In fact, talking about death is not going to bring us any closer to dying than talking about hitting the lottery is going to bring us any closer to wealth. It’s important that we move away from that mindset and towards one that allows the people we cherish to grieve exempt from the weight of involuntary responsibility.

Preplanning for the end of life is the best gift we can give to those who will still have theirs after we’re gone. Instead of watching that much anticipated episode of Love is Blind, use that time to write down your wishes. Document what your funeral preferences are. Identify who you want as your next of kin and/or executor and have the tough talks with them about your funeral plans.  We are intentional about the kind of home we want to buy, the kind of career we want to have, the people we surround around our children, the food that enters our body, therefore, we should feel the same about our final affairs. If fear is a factor, preparation can turn it into empowerment.

At Honey-Hearted Endeavors our goal is to make those conversations gentle, guided, meaningful and effective. That’s why we offer the Bereave it to Me service. We talk to individuals about their preferences and help organize those specifics with care and dignity. Sentimentally speaking, the conversation must happen. Whether we have it together, with ourselves or with our loved ones, let’s just commit to having them. No matter what, we’re all going to die. That’s really the only thing that life guarantees. Just remember that not everyone lives…prepared. To have your affairs in order while you’re still living is one of the most loving, life-affirming acts you can do. If you’re ready to start, but don’t know where or how to, Bereave it to Me can help you take the first step. A helping heart awaits your hello.